happy women
Nichole
NP in training
The love for a Narcissist

It has been a year of unbelievable affirmations. My college professor asks me to teach clinicals this year. I never expected that to happen. I am in the Doctorate program, to become an NP.  My husband landed the job of his dreams. That has came out of the blue. We have been married for less than a year.

I can’t deny that life has been rewarding the hard work I have been doing. I have a relationship that is truly something I never thought I would have. The feeling of being in love and being unconditionally loved can’t be explained. It can only be experienced.

The last three years have been filled with all kinds of life’s struggles. My divorce, moving to a new city, my children rejecting me, and losing many friends are just part of the story. I also moved to a new city, bought a house, started the NP program, landed a dream job, and have a wonderful set of new supportive friends.

I want to be clear about what this work has done for me. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 20 years. I loved him.  My heart, my health, my career where all were suffering. My children are suffering still. I left my first marriage several times.  I went back because I didn’t want to “ruin” my children. Living in that cycle of abuse was exhausting and very hard to break.

The years of emotional abuse had taken its toll and then one day I left. The hardest thing I have ever done.  Dan had worked with me in the past.  I decided now to work on me, not my marriage.  It was time to take on the serious challenge of ME.  After I began taking seriously the assignments and homework, things began to change. I was changing. The inner me, the me that I seldom paid attention to, was showing up.

For me, it’s a work in progress. My grown children are still rejecting me, and my hurt there is tough. The however here is my creativity is coming back. I started painting, taking an art class, dancing class, went with my girlfriends for the weekend and a concert, and I buy clothes that make me feel beautiful. I have more joy and healthier relationships than I ever expected to have. LIfe is so full and enjoyable.  I want to say that this was all because of Dan, however I did the work. That sounds simplistic but I did the work.   Dan coached me in such a way that things made sense. His skill of understanding what I needed, and encouraging me with to do simple skills and “assignments” that were life changing is wonderful.

One thing is for sure. If you don’t do the work, you don’t get the results. The heart Dan has to love and care for you is pretty cool. I think he has some healing power in his presence. You can sense his joy and peace. Just do it.