Working in high stress government jobs for the past 25 years, my life was very messy. Having a high level clearance with the government means you keep so many things to your self. That came in handy because I was living a double life in many ways. I had secrets my whole life, and I did not know how much of an affect they had on my life.
We stayed together, my wife and I because we loved each other. The stress was very high some days. I knew that if I didn’t do something life was not going to get any better. We had heard about Dan so I committed to making that first call.
My first time with Dan, there was something about him that was so different. He was very open and transparent about he works and what he was sensing. I had a history of being in therapy in the past but never with a coach. He explained the difference, and began guiding my thinking from our very first session. The assignments started and at first I was hesitant to do any of them.
After our oldest daughter decided to attend college in Somalia we went with her for two months as she got settled in. I have never enjoyed my family so much in my entire life. My son was laughing at my humor, my wife was engaging in a totally new type of conversation with me, and I felt so happy. In the past, I would not have gone with my family, and it would have been torcher to be in a third world country around people I did not know. Now it was like I was alive, and vibrant. Dan spend about 6 months with me. I remember the conversation we had that changed it all for me. Recounting my high school years, and the subsequent secrets that drove behaviors that no one knew about was painful and exhausting. My mind was resistant to going to any of these events, yet I felt safe with Dan.
Hugs are not my life style. Neither is standing close. My children hub me, my wife leans in holds me and it feels so good. This all happened after I learned some simple principles that make so much sense. I don’t believe in luck, but this felt like luck. Having Dan’s insight and guidance was one of the luckiest things that ever happened in my world. Lets just say that the last time I saw Dan, I chose to give him the biggest hug.
I promised to keep him informed of how I was doing.
It has been a year of unbelievable affirmations. My college professor asks me to teach clinicals this year. I never expected that to happen. I am in the Doctorate program, to become an NP. My husband landed the job of his dreams. That has came out of the blue. We have been married for less than a year.
I can’t deny that life has been rewarding the hard work I have been doing. I have a relationship that is truly something I never thought I would have. The feeling of being in love and being unconditionally loved can’t be explained. It can only be experienced.
The last three years have been filled with all kinds of life’s struggles. My divorce, moving to a new city, my children rejecting me, and losing many friends are just part of the story. I also moved to a new city, bought a house, started the NP program, landed a dream job, and have a wonderful set of new supportive friends.
I want to be clear about what this work has done for me. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 20 years. I loved him. My heart, my health, my career where all were suffering. My children are suffering still. I left my first marriage several times. I went back because I didn’t want to “ruin” my children. Living in that cycle of abuse was exhausting and very hard to break.
The years of emotional abuse had taken its toll and then one day I left. The hardest thing I have ever done. Dan had worked with me in the past. I decided now to work on me, not my marriage. It was time to take on the serious challenge of ME. After I began taking seriously the assignments and homework, things began to change. I was changing. The inner me, the me that I seldom paid attention to, was showing up.
For me, it’s a work in progress. My grown children are still rejecting me, and my hurt there is tough. The however here is my creativity is coming back. I started painting, taking an art class, dancing class, went with my girlfriends for the weekend and a concert, and I buy clothes that make me feel beautiful. I have more joy and healthier relationships than I ever expected to have. LIfe is so full and enjoyable. I want to say that this was all because of Dan, however I did the work. That sounds simplistic but I did the work. Dan coached me in such a way that things made sense. His skill of understanding what I needed, and encouraging me with to do simple skills and “assignments” that were life changing is wonderful.
One thing is for sure. If you don’t do the work, you don’t get the results. The heart Dan has to love and care for you is pretty cool. I think he has some healing power in his presence. You can sense his joy and peace. Just do it.
The idea that I would be married more than once was not my plan. My life have been about taking care of my business and my employees and providing for my family. That path has had several dissapointments. The first one is no one told me that running a large manufacturing business would take some much of my time, energy and effort. Second, I thought that providing well for my family would give us the happiness and connection for a satisfying life together.
There are no children in my first marriage. At the end of high school we married, moved in together, and went to the same college. The next five years were tough. She graduated with honors and I began this business. Two years later she left. I didn’t see it coming. It was a long while before I was even interested in dating.
Raye is wonderful. She was a God send. We met at a chuch function and within a year were married. I had been divorced almost 3 years and she was single for 2. Her boys were 2 and 3 years old when we met. Not wanting the same mistakes from the first marriage, we spent a lot of time talking and in pre marriage coaching. We have one son of our own, who is now 15. We have been together 20 years.
Our oldest son, Rayes son, now has a 2 year old. All of Rayes time is spent taking care of her son’s child. I didn’t mind at first, however now two years after our grandson was born, she moved out of our bedroom. I was pressuring her too much and she needed room. I was so angry. It was like all of a sudden this happened. Flash backs of how my first marriage ended were showing up in my mind and I would get so angry at her about it. I didn’t want our marriage to be this way.
The phone call to Dan was one of the most difficult things I have done. My mind was focused on her and her behavior. I knew there was things I needed to do different, yet her behavior was so uneccessary to me. She didn’t seem to understand how hard I worked to provide for her all these years. She has never worked since we married because we wanted her boys and our son to have a great childhood.
Unpleasant surprises are sometimes hiding in the package you open. Learning to be open and transparent about my own life was hard work. Opeing the package in my heart and looking at me was unpleasant. The judgements and unforgivness that was wondering around in my heart was a surprise. The process of learning how to have a congruent heart and open mind to change took a commitment to trust this process Dan kept referring to. Dan had a great reputation and I was practicing trusting the process.
Three months into my time with Dan, Raye moved back into our bedroom. She told one of her best friends, “I don’t know what Dan did, but Kurt is like a different man.” The way that made me feel was amazing. My commitment to work with Dan payed off in great dividends. My employees see me more aware, more kind, less angry and happier. I feel different on the inside. What I didn’t know, was how I was breaking this silly rule Dan called withholding. I share the idea often. My withhold was first with myself. I was refusing to allow myself to own my judgement. I was afraid others would judge me if I was truthful about my past. Once I learned to let go of that, it was like a ton of bricks off my chest.
Taking time to practice the skills, as Dan says like learning to play baseball, did produce the results he felt they would. I now have more open and honest conversations with my friends and have been spending more time with a few of my close male friends. It’s been worth it. And others notice it, too. That feels good.
There was a time when I felt I knew everything about running a business. My business was thriving, sort of. It was like things would go well for while, and then something would happen and there I was again. I was in the middle of some drama that was always showing up. I was always putting out fires. I hired, I thought, competent people. They knew what I wanted and how I wanted things done. Explaining it to them, and going over the details always went well, yet not long after it was like I was wasting my breath. It was a cycle.
No one could seem to make me happy and I was not getting the results I wanted. One of my business associates told me that he had used Dan in the past. He suggested I contact Dan about the frustration I was feeling.
There are some things we just don’t learn in life soon enough. The idea that these principles that we often make fun of are actually causing the issues was novel to me. Self fullfilling prophecy was a weird one. How in the world was I contributing to my business failure.
“You cannot see yourself unless you look at a picture of you” were Dan’s first words. I saw me from my own perspective. I was not seeing the whole picture of my business and how I was contributing to the issues. A few months into the coaching my wife was seeing me change and asked how it was going. It was the question I knew the answer to. Dan, with some work, helped me discover the things I was doing that were contributing the problems. We did an evaluation, and then did we work on what needed to change. I was the issue. Dan showed me some simple rules and principles that I was breaking and when I saw them, I knew he was right. Happiness and profit in my business can happen at the same time. I had the idea that happiness was not possible in business. Hard work and making things happen was what how I operated.
Today, I work three or four days a week. I have a team that takes care of all the details and I grow the business by following leadership rules. Structure for me had to happen in how I approached my life and the business. Anyone who works for themselves, and puts in more than 40 hours a week and yet cannot seem to get a head, needs a good business coach.
Dan knows his limits and what he is capable of what he is not capable of. He only worked on the things he knows he did well. That was awesome to see. Dan is a no nonsense “this works” kind of approach. We worked on my ability to let go, trust, how to hold others accountable in the right way, what a “NO” really meant, and how to use outside resources for things I should not have been doing my self. The freedom in learning how to make good choices was so worth it. As I said, I wondered why I had not learned these principles before hand.
In college I suffered knee and back injuries. I finished my degree, married my best friend and began my career. Five years into my career I was still suffering from the pain of my college injuries. I refused to take too many pain meds because I did not want to become addicted. I was so careful to be upfront with my doctors about what I wanted. The stress of my job was creating internal stress and I was hospitalized for appendicitis. Three days later I was release. On the following Tuesday my boss called me into his office, shut the door and ask what was going on. I lied and said I was fine. He gave me the rest of week off and I went home.
My wifes mother lives close, and takes every med you can think of. I had been stealing her pain meds for about a year, and no one knew. When some of them came up missed, I was livid and acted as if I knew nothing. Then it all came apart as I was caught red handed by my wife after she found the empty bottle in the baby bag at 0ur house. That was the same week my boss gave the week off.
The call to Dan was not easy. I live hundreds of miles away. He knew some of my family members, as they live in the same town as his office. He knew of me. I don’t cry, and refused to cry that day. Dan stated he had a lot of respect for me, as a professional. I own property in that communty and have business there. The reveal to him was not easy. Make this go away was all I could think of.
Most importantly for me, Dan is not a “lets make this work” kind of coach. He was serious with me about the level of deception I had falled into, and the patterns that I was establishing in every area of my life. That is when I cried. Feeling someone gets you, knows you, and truly cares for you has to be a skill. Dan has that skill. We worked on me and I began the journey of restoring my self integrity.
Three years later, it was all gone. I had moved again, and was now in a new job with more pressure and responsibilty. Having the oversight of hundreds of others, I knew I needed to get it together. My direct boss questioned me one day about what I was doing different. There was obvious change in how I was handing the job, and they were now considering offering me a top management position. My boss knew my struggle with the addiction years earlier. I told him I had reconected with my coach Dan again. “Good,” he said “it shows. Keep the good work”. That was a powerful moment, realizing how important it was for me to be aware of needing help and reaching out for it.
Becoming my best self, hearing truth and doing the work has changed me from the inside out. My inner joy, my wife, my personals relationship, my co-worker, and just as importantly my world continues to embrace this new way of living for me. I have learned how to live openly, and in integrity.
This is a love story. Really. I love me.
Who knew this was going to be the way life turned out. It was my second marriage and I was determined to not let it end. The forever in me meant forever. The idea of being with a life coach began after I crashed one day. Someone recommended Dan so I called. As a professional I had very little interest in talking about my past, my first marriage and especially my mom. The stress was so high my closest friends were unrelenting. See someone. Anyone.
The past four years have been unbelievably hard. What I learned was what I already knew. I was worth more than I was getting. The divorce from my husband was not the hardest part of this path. It was being single, and making the commitment to be single while my mind settled all the crap it had inside it. Coaching was not for me. I didn’t wanted coaching I wanted answers. God seemed to know what was best, and I got a coach who knew how to handle my attitude, my stubbornness and my quit whit.
I have been in Dan’s world for over four years. I see him a few times a year now. Imagining life without the journey of Dan being in it is unfathomable. We did talk about my past, but not the way I expected. He taught me how to approach truth as “It’s Just True”. The way we moved toward being my best self was a bit painful. Being cared for by Dan is someone you have to experience. “That makes sense” was something I said so often. That is because it “just makes sense” the way our past creates the current person. And then I did the work.
Everyone I work with tells me all the time how much I have changed. I see it, too. The happiness, joy, feeling of being alive is so wonderful. I know I did the work. Dan said he would fire me if I didn’t. I think he was kidding. I did the homework, the assignments and the tasks. Nothing could have predicted the outcome. Doing some simple assignments and then seeing the internal change as a result of the assignments fascinating.
And then! It happened. Dan predicted that my life would change for the better. If I focused on being my best self, followed these simple skills and practiced them, life would be different.
We, well I, never expected to find the man of my dreams. At this age, and no am not saying how old I am, I would have never believed I could be so much in love. And it all began when Dan taught me how to love ME!
I am married now to this man, the man that showed up in my world. He is the most wonderful human being ever. I deserve all the happiness I can get out of life. If you want to see someone who will be so truth, so kind, so loving, and yet so honest, see Dan. It’s the God inside him that I Love.
We moved from New Mexico a few months before. As a blended family, it has not been easy to get the parenting, relationship and career all aligned up. We moved here for my husband’s job, and it is a 14 hour 6 day a week job. We are committed to making the relationship work. This job is temporary as he works up in management. We have been together over 8 years and marriage only 2 years. Neither of us knew how hard this transition was going to be.
Being from a larger city. we usually googled things. I did that typical google search and Dan was the closest counselor. Living in Rural Kansas, there isn’t a lot of services available. After leaving a message, Dan returned my call with a few hours. He was so alive and interested in what was happening. We agreed to meet late in the evening in his office. We did not have child care, and Dan was so open to the idea of just bringing them. We really needed help.
The first time was almost a disaster. Three small children, a tired husband at our first meeting. Both of us have attended counseling in the past. My anxiety was calmed almost as soon as we walked into the office. Dan was upfront that his style of working with couples is more a coaching style. He helped us get the kids busy, heard our story and began to share insight about how to move forward. It was a bit longer of a session since we were the last ones that evening. On the way home we both commented on how insightful and caring Dan was.
We have continued to see Dan as a couple and me for some individual work. I made friends in our community, with Dan’s help, and have a baby sitter now that gives us time alone. The coaching and education Dan uses is so easy to understand and relate too. He was so fun, present and has a great sense of humor. The challenge for anyone seeing Dan would be allowing him to truly see you. He is so easy to talk too and has a very kind heart. He explained to me that part of the coaching process is to teach the skill of how to be a true friend, be vulnerable and care. When you learn this skill, he said, you can take on the world. My marriage relationship was rough for while but we are making it work. I am applying the skills I am learning to every relationship. The marriage isn’t perfect. These new skills make so much sense. Thanks, Dan
I knew I needed help. It was day after my wife moved out of our home when a friend recommended Dan. Originally I was only interested in keeping my marriage together. I visited more than one other counselor / coach. Dan’s no nonsense approach was so different and refreshing that I was surprised. The other counselor I saw was focused on seeing my wife and I. They felt that having her in the room was the only way to find out was really going on. I wanted that too. She refused and was not available at all, physically or emotionally. I was beside myself and wanted more than anything to have her back in my life.
Within a few times of being with Dan, I began to experience something I didn’t expect. First, I did stop seeing the other counselor because they seemed focused on reuniting and working on us together. Even though I wanted that, I knew I needed to work on me. It seemed like they were not able to help unless I got her into to the room with us both. Dan’s approach was very unique to me. He was focused on what I knew, and what I wanted. He asked great questions, created inside me the thoughts of hope and safety. He did want to see her too, however his focus was on my personal growth and understanding. I needed to change and if this relationship was going to work, it was up to me first to take a good long hard look at my self and how I contributed to her leaving me.
Life is not turning out the way I wanted. No one gets what they want all the time. My big learn was that I was actually creating a lot of the issues in our marriage. She was not without fault, but the realization that she was choosing something I could not control was tough. How kind, generous and emotionally available Dan was is amazing. His ability to have insight and guide each session was so inspiring.
The LIFE I now have is so different. Maybe my marriage won’t last. What I do know, my life is never ever going to be the same. I have learned how to be more alive, created deep relationships with other men, learned to trust others more, and to be more present and aware of who I am.
Thanks Dan. I have said this so many times. I could not have learned and changed so much without your help.