Don't Let Them See You Cry!

emotions Nov 12, 2019

It was not easy to see this as a truth until I was almost friendless. When I had money, everyone was around. As soon as I was not in their world, they didn't call or even want to be around me.  I acted as if  I didn't care. But I did care.

The fakeness was hard to stomach. I was being so fake. All I could think about was how angry my wife was at me all the time. As long as we were good financially we got along. I didn't want to own anything she said about me. Those words were just not true. She was being a B.. and I didn't care for that at all.  Surely there was someone out there that would love me for who I was.

Then my son got sick. Nothing worked.  My faith failed me. I prayed.  We all did. He didn't live. I never knew how angry I really was.  I left my business to my team and took time off.  It spiraled out of control, my wife refused to talk to me, and my own deep self was hurting so bad.

Emotions were NEVER important as a kid. Dad was so kind and bitter. He was so loving and manipulative. We did everything his way. He held grudges and would work at making things work against you if you crossed him. Dad was so fake and two-faced.  He never showed emotions and neither did we.  My 16 year old heart could not take any more. I left.  When my sis told me he died I didn't cry!  The funeral was so silent. It was nice to see my siblings. since it had been years. We were nice to each other, but the silence was deafening. I left the funeral determined to not be like my dad.

Sitting in the funeral home, and having so much silence around, my mind would not stop rehearsing the words I wanted to say to dad. They were the same words my son said to me a few weeks before he died. He was telling me how he hated how I treated him. We didn't know his brain cancer would take him so fast. My broken heart was feeling his pain and mine. It was too much for me. I sat there and cried like a young boy. It hurt so much.

Having someone teach me how to be connected with my heart was not something that ever crossed my mind. EVER. Yet here I was with this "Emotions Coach" named Dan. He said he was a relationship coach, life coach, and a "social and emotional" coach. Whatever. All I knew was he came highly recommended.  As I remember, there were at least three people that I ask about seeing someone recommended him.  So I called.

The story here is so boring. We talked. I cried. We talked. I got mad and quit. He called. I came back. I cried. I got mad.  I did the assignments. My wife came back. I have the best daughter in the world. My siblings call and talk to me now. My business is growing so fast that I had to hire another controller, we have two now. My love for life, my energy, my joy and my emotions all work now!  It's amazing. It is the miracle I was praying for when my son died.  All I have to say here, is the messenger and message are aligned well. Dan does an excellent job of teaching you how to be alive, to be real, to think about life in a new way, and how to have JOY like never before. 

My sadness shows up on occasion when I think about why I had to have a crisis to change. My encouragement to you: don't wait. Learn the skill of being fully you! Let's get real. You didn't get those skills from your growing up years. Learn them now. My learn was it is ok to cry!



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